SerenityMovie.net

[Deutsche]

Enjoy......


Two Indians and a Hillbilly were walking in the woods when all of a sudden one of the Indians ran up a hill to the mouth of a small cave.

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" he called into the cave.

Then he listened very closely until he heard an answer!

"Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

He tore off his clothes and ran inside.

The Hillbilly was puzzled and asked the other Indian what that was all about. "Is he crazy or what?"

"No" said the Indian. "It is our custom during mating season.

When Indian men see cave, they yell, "Wooooo! Wooooo!" Wooooo!" into the opening.

If they get an answer back, it means there is a girl in there waiting to mate."

Just then they saw another cave.

The second Indian ran up to the opening of the cave, stopped and yelled, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!"

Immediately, there was an answer, "Wooooo! Wooooo! Wooooo!" from deep inside the cave.!

He tore off his clothes and immediately ran inside.

The Hillbilly wandered around in the woods alone for a while until he came upon a really big cave.

As he looked in amazement at the size of the cave, he thought, "Wow! Look how big this cave is. It is much larger than the ones the Indians found. There must be a really fine woman in there.

He stood in front of the opening and hollered with all his might, "WOOOOO! WOOOOO! WOOOOO!"

He grinned and closed his eyes in anticipation, and then he heard a very loud answer, "WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOO!"

With a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his face, he raced into the cave, tearing off his clothes as he ran.

The following day, the headline of the Arkansas Gazette Newspaper read..



"NAKED HILLBILLY RUN OVER BY FREIGHT TRAIN"

***********

>A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had phoned in sick
>one >day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed
>the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
>
> "Hello."
>
> "Is your daddy home?" he asked.
>
> "Yes," whispered the small voice.
>
> May I talk with him?"
>
> The child whispered, "No."
>
> Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
> Mommy there?"
>
> "Yes."
>
> "May I talk with her?"
>
> Again the small voice whispered, "No." Hoping there was somebody with
>whom > he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
>
> "Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman"
>
> Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss
> asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
>
> "No, he's busy", whispered the child.
>
> "Busy doing what?"
>
> "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered
>answer.
> Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter
> through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that
>noise?"
>
> "A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
>
> "What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly apprehensive.
>
> Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team just landed the
> helicopter."
>
> Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are
>they > searching for?"
>
> Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
>
> "ME."
_________________
a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma

[Deutsche]

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A teenager sat down next to him. He had spiked hair that was red, orange, yellow, green, blue & violet.


The old man stared. Whenever the teen looked, the old man was staring.

Finally, the teenager said sarcastically: "What's the matter old guy, never done anything wild in your life?"

Without missing a beat the old man replied:

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock.

Just wondering if you were my son."

********

> >> >>A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10lb. weight loss
> >> >>program.
> >> >>The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands
> >>before
> >> >>him
> >> >>a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but
> >>a
> >> >>pair
> >> >>of Nike running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces
> >> >>herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
> >> >>The sign reads: -
> >> >>"If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second
> >>thought,
> >> >>he
> >> >>takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he
> >> >>finally catches her and has his way with her. The same girl
> >>shows
> >> >>up
> >> >>for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth
> >> >>day,
> >> >>he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as
> >> >>promised.
> >> >>He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound
> >>program.
> >> >>The next
> >> >>day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most
> >>stunning,
> >> >>beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
> >>wearing
> >> >>nothing
> >> >>but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads:
> >>-
> >> >>"If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the door after
> >> >>her like a
> >> >>shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while
> >>to
> >> >>catch her
> >> >>but when he does, it's definitely worth every muscle cramp and
> >> >>wheeze,
> >> >>so for the next four days, the same routine happens. Much to his
> >> >>delight,
> >> >>on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has
> >> >>lost
> >> >>another 20lb. as promised.
> >> >>
> >> >>He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the
> >> >>7-day/50 pound
> >> >>program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone -
> >> >>"This is
> >> >>our most rigorous program."
> >> >>"Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
> >> >>The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it
> >>he
> >> >>finds
> >> >>this huge, muscular, 7ft man standing there wearing nothing but
> >> >>pink
> >> >>running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads:-
> >> >>
> >> >>"I'm Francis. If I catch you, you're mine..."
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a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma

[Deutsche]

I so love the girls over at Keanu A-Z....They find some of the funniest....



The Church Organist

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom!

When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about his?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that itwould prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter?"

********


As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange
> buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her
> daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked,
> "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-
> five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a
> husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
>
> The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other
> side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his
> daughter making passionate love with her vibrator. When he questioned her > as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old,
> unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband!
> Please, go away and leave me alone."
>
> A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the
> groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar buzzing noise
> coming from, of all places, the family room. She cautiously entered that area > and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV with the
> vibrator next to him buzzing like crazy. The wife shrieked, "What the hell are
> you doing?"
>
> The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son- in-law."
_________________
a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma

[Deutsche]

Why not...one more.....


Businessman sent a fax to his wife:


To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, with
your 54 years, can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I
value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this fax, I hope that
you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the
evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.
Please don't be perturbed. I shall be back home before midnight ."
When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining
room table.




My Dear Husband,


I received your fax and thank you for your honesty. I would like to
take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At
the same time I would like to inform you that while you read this, I
will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like
your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and
with your excellent knowledge of Math, you will understand that we are
in the same situation, although with one small difference.
18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore I will not be back before lunchtime tomorrow."
_________________
a mystery wrapped in a riddle inside an enigma

[Aussie Browncoat]

the boss rings up on his employees who hasnt come into work that day
he asks "where were you today?"

the employee answers "im so sick i dont know if i can come in tomorrow either"

the boss says "well when im sick i just have sex with my wife then i fell better"

the next day the employee comes into work like there was nothing wrong with him

the boss says "how do you fell today mate?"

the employee answers "i fell better, you've got a nice house"
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Shiny lets be bad guys